rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
