hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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