were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
