just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
