These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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