im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if i died would you start the facebook group?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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