Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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