Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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