no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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