If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
