Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
