just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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