i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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