We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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