so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
