i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
