Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
