nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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