You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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