All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize