Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
