So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
