What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i barfeds in our rink
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
