I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
