i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
God, I missed his penis.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
