Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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