I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
