If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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