They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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