No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
