I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
