Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
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