UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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