I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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