He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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