Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize