i just had sex bonerless
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
