Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
