He asked me if I "almost moaned"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
