College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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