We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
