You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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