She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
