Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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