if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
