I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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