It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
