Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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