why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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