I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize