Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize