I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
