You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
