I feel like abortions should bother me more
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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