I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
