Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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