i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
