No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
