Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize