i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
