We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize