Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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