when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
