If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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