you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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