Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
