Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
