Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
