I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize